Today I saw sharon again for the first time since I went to visit her in Virginia. She texted me when I was at work and I got really excited. Sad part is, since her mom still hates me, added to the fact she's not allowed out when she's here, I could only see her when she was walking her dog. Even so, it was really nice to see her again. For as little as I see her and talk to her, I missed her a lot. I hope I can get at least a short time tomorrow to see her again before she leaves monday. After that it could be a couple years before I see her again :( Not a good time.....

Hmmm, well I'm still pumped/anxious. Stories I'm hearing about bootcamp are pretty ridiculous. Between the beatings/gasings/fireants......this will be rough.

Stay Awesome

What are you? A glutton for punishment?

It's been tough. Tonight I went to the movies with this girl and I don't know what to do anymore. It's really hard to spend so much time with someone but know you'll never actually "be" with them. I kind of wish I could just give in to friends telling me it's not worth doing so much for someone when we're not even together but when I think about it I do get something out of it. It only makes things worse but I do get something. I get something everytime I can make her smile or laugh. Just the feeling of that makes me light up inside. Problem is, it only digs me further and further in. The more time I spend with her, the more smiles she gives me, the more I can't stop thinking about it. We were watching the movie and I glanced over at her. No makeup, sweatshirt, sweatpants, and she was beautiful to me. AMAZING eyes. Pretty smile. Makes me happy to be near her. I like her, a LOT. She's one of the very few people I'm completely comfortable around. Only have 2 friends I'm more comfortable around so she's up there.... I'm kind of happy for her thoughthat after years of finding assholes she found a guy that isn't a dick and genuinely seems to like her and care about her. Problem for her is that he lives a ways away from her.
A problem kind of arises from this for me. Now I give her advice all the time, she can talk to me about anything and I don't get all weird if she is talking about other guys, I kind of just want to see her happy. At the same time though, she wants me hanging around all her friends that live by this guy. Well, as much as I care about her, do I really want to drive her somewhere to see her with another guy? I'd never show any feelings toward her about how awkward it is for me, and probably won't ever mention it to her, but at the same time I don't like always making up excuses not to go. I'd like to say "It's cause I like you and really don't feel comfortable around you when you're with someone else" but I won't. I think it goes right over her head the fact that I like her even though I tell her that any good friend a girl has, that is a guy, most likely likes her. It's how guys are. I just never finish by saying it includes me.
So.....with all that I'm still planning on leaving Feb 9. But, I'll be happy to try and get this off my mind for a bit. I'll probably miss her more than most things around, but being away, concentrating on other things will be good. It's hard to keep it up and not explode.

I would definitely build a blanket fort. I may do that in the near future but disguise it as Alyssa wanting to do it just so I can make one. First of all, when you're a kid blankets and pillows made the best building materials. You didn't need any tools and all you needed were heavy objects to hold blankets in place. Secondly, if you were lucky enough to get a hold of a fan no one was using, you could blow the fort up like a bubble. This made blanket forts the best thing ever. Now, they don't really serve much usefulness at all, yet in their cramped spaces was all the fun you need. Sure you can just lay on the floor, but isn't it always more fun to lay on the floor under a blanket canope? Of course. Otherwise it's just uncomfortable.

Woot, signing papers Monday. I think I'm doing a good job of ignoring any doubt. I know as soon as the papers are signed I'll be stuck with it so I can't wait to do that. It's not that I'm not interested in doing it but it's going to be something that will most likely be harder than anything else I've had to do....ever. That said, I think it will be well worth it. It's just the initial "I'm going to do this" that makes it tough. It's like when you see that huge rollercoaster in the center of the park and from far away you say "damn, that looks awesome". You're kind of caught up in the awe so you hop in line. The closer you get to the front, the more and more anxious you get. Once you see the coasters rolling into the station it's easy to get nervous. When I was younger I always second guessed getting on. Even when I jumped in the car the cart started moving and I hoped that there was some way I could back out right then. Problem was, it already started rolling up a hill. With all the doubt over and over again I was never disappointed at the end. I built up all this fear in myself but by the end I was happy and couldn't wait to do it again. Not saying bootcamp will be exactly like that, but I see everyone else getting off at the end happy they did it.
!!!!!!!!!!exploding inside......in a good way...!!!!!!!

Ok, well it seems I'm going to ge joining for sure. Thing is it will be much sooner......plans as of now will be Jan. 5th to leave for bootcamp. Thats pretty soon.....a month and a half or so. I'm excited. Starting at the end of this week I'll need to be training for this so when I go I won't be as in bad of shape. I talked to one of my mom's good friends today who was in the marines for 30 years. How she explained bootcamp, which was the same way as Eric, was that most of it is mental. The physical part is hard, strenuous, but most of the effort is mentally. It would be jan. 5th to April 3rd, which is graduation! All invited ;)
Tomorrow I'm not sure if I'll be signing up but I will be going with my dad to check it out, get everything set.

Well, I'm going to sleep, Stay Awesome