Down to 19 days I believe? Counting till the 8th since I'm leaving the day before bootcamp for MEPS which is gay. All the same shit I went through last time I went to fort dicks, which really includes tons of standing around and doing nothing for 95% of the time. I think they tried getting everyone who was leaving for bootcamp out around 12 or 1pm, we leave for the base at 5am. monday morning from a hotel in NJ. Shouldn't be too bad....the hotel has alright food.
I think I need to take my own advice on some things. The other day I had a friend who was getting really pissed off about a supposed "cock-block" by another friends brother. Now, under circumstances where I see a friend trying to get with a chick I make sure to stay away and not interrupt, so I can see the frustration if he wants to get something going and someone else comes in and gets in the way of "action". The thing I didn't get was that this girl that he was going for was not at all the type of person he should get upset about. Like, she showed up to the party drunk and on pills. Not to mention her complete unattractiveness/obnoxiousness/ghettoness. We were all drinking a little that night so I can't get too much on her for that, but her personality in general was not what would usually attract my friend.
I'm taking him home later in the night and we were talking about this, he was still pissed. I managed to calm him down by just affirming what I know he already believes, that at the end of the day.... he would have regretted doing anything with this person. We are both pretty similar in ways we approach relationships so it was easy to talk him down and relate. We're both guys who get put in the "friend zone" all the time so I see his frustration and wanting to hop at something putting out. Even so, the advice I gave is advice I got from a friend of mine, and they said "not to settle". It's very easy to hold up standards and morals if they are never challenged. I could say I want this and that in a girl, or that certain traits are completely unnattractive to me yet go for that type of person out of convenience. It gets to the point that any attention seems like good attention but it should really never be that way. I'm not sure I can even keep the standards I set for myself. If I say "this is the type of person I'm looking for" the people I find don't match. It's so hard over time I come to think "we'll.....there arent a lot of people like that so I'll just drop the bar a bit.....then a bit more...". By the end I won't end up with the type of person I intend to. My friend just lost hope in what he wanted and I'm well on my way to joining him. My problem is just finding different outlets to meet people. Idk, I'll get to that.....
I've had a pretty strong urge lately to do aid work in different countries. Like I think it would be awesome to do work in the Peace Corps or working with missionaries through a church. I'd want to be part of groups that build schools or dig wells in villiages. Things like that, go into an area and try to improve it. This could include local work too but I think of it as most of the poorest people in our country still have it better off than many people in other countries. My biggest drive is probably to gain awareness. I don't think tv specials and news articles really do that sort of thing justice. Millions of people have completely shitty lives and I'm not sure what better thing I could do with my life than try to make a few better. I'd like to look into all this as I go through the military cause that would be another interesting experience.

Stay Awesome

29 days! I have a lot to say but it's hard to put everything in words. Too late anyway and very tired. Night

Stay Awesome

Fuck, same things. I go a few days without seeing this girl and I miss her. I see her and I'm not even sure I can fully enjoy hanging out with her. It can honestly annoy me at times. What is this title "best friends"? Seriously. I don't get it because that's very hard to happen with guys and the opposite sex. We get along very well, I will do and currently do anything for her. The amount of time I go out of my way is ridiculous. And with that. I get nothing back. If someone says "hey why not this guy", she gives the reply back that we are too good of friends. That doesn't register for me. All the things for me that point to the opportunity for a perfect relationship point to a perfect friendship with her. I'm annoyed and very tired atm. One part of me is counting down till this is over.

Stay Awesome

Today I saw sharon again for the first time since I went to visit her in Virginia. She texted me when I was at work and I got really excited. Sad part is, since her mom still hates me, added to the fact she's not allowed out when she's here, I could only see her when she was walking her dog. Even so, it was really nice to see her again. For as little as I see her and talk to her, I missed her a lot. I hope I can get at least a short time tomorrow to see her again before she leaves monday. After that it could be a couple years before I see her again :( Not a good time.....

Hmmm, well I'm still pumped/anxious. Stories I'm hearing about bootcamp are pretty ridiculous. Between the beatings/gasings/fireants......this will be rough.

Stay Awesome

What are you? A glutton for punishment?

It's been tough. Tonight I went to the movies with this girl and I don't know what to do anymore. It's really hard to spend so much time with someone but know you'll never actually "be" with them. I kind of wish I could just give in to friends telling me it's not worth doing so much for someone when we're not even together but when I think about it I do get something out of it. It only makes things worse but I do get something. I get something everytime I can make her smile or laugh. Just the feeling of that makes me light up inside. Problem is, it only digs me further and further in. The more time I spend with her, the more smiles she gives me, the more I can't stop thinking about it. We were watching the movie and I glanced over at her. No makeup, sweatshirt, sweatpants, and she was beautiful to me. AMAZING eyes. Pretty smile. Makes me happy to be near her. I like her, a LOT. She's one of the very few people I'm completely comfortable around. Only have 2 friends I'm more comfortable around so she's up there.... I'm kind of happy for her thoughthat after years of finding assholes she found a guy that isn't a dick and genuinely seems to like her and care about her. Problem for her is that he lives a ways away from her.
A problem kind of arises from this for me. Now I give her advice all the time, she can talk to me about anything and I don't get all weird if she is talking about other guys, I kind of just want to see her happy. At the same time though, she wants me hanging around all her friends that live by this guy. Well, as much as I care about her, do I really want to drive her somewhere to see her with another guy? I'd never show any feelings toward her about how awkward it is for me, and probably won't ever mention it to her, but at the same time I don't like always making up excuses not to go. I'd like to say "It's cause I like you and really don't feel comfortable around you when you're with someone else" but I won't. I think it goes right over her head the fact that I like her even though I tell her that any good friend a girl has, that is a guy, most likely likes her. It's how guys are. I just never finish by saying it includes me.
So.....with all that I'm still planning on leaving Feb 9. But, I'll be happy to try and get this off my mind for a bit. I'll probably miss her more than most things around, but being away, concentrating on other things will be good. It's hard to keep it up and not explode.